THE DAY BEFORE THE DAY BEFORE

It's December 30, 2008, and time to reflect on this past year; where I've been, what I've done, who I've seen, and how I feel about it all. I can't imagine that there is anyone in this country who can look back on this year and think to themselves; what an AMAZING experience. Oh sure, it had its moments and I am sure we all know what they were. We also know that its been a struggle on more levels than I think any of us ever thought we would experience, or see again. I have been watching old movies this past week and thinking about how much relevance MEET JOHN DOE, ITS A WONDERFUL LIFE and BOUND FOR GLORY have to our current conditions. What a lovely thing to find out at 49 years old ....that after 25 years of hardwork and sacrifice, my life and the lives of most people in the United States, look like a Frank Capra movie from the 1940's.

This has been the worst year of my career financially, but it has also brought about some unexpected surprises. I was accepted into the Smithsonian Craft Show for the first time ever, and I was so shocked to receive my acceptance that I actually thought I was being "punked". I still can't believe it, and now that I have looked at their website and have discovered that I am their only handbag designer and that I have the absolute WORST pictures on the entire site, I am even more shocked than before that I was accepted. I was also invited to do the Calgary Stampede this coming summer, which is an event I have always been wildly curious about, and which I hope goes well.

I did fewer shows than ever this year; why spend the time and money to traverse the United States, just to make back what I spent getting there to begin with? I had my first ever NO SALES shows in Arizona, made one tenth of what I did at the Natureworks Show in Tulsa from the year before, had my truck broken into in Las Vegas and discovered that since I didn't have business insurance, which I probably couldn't have afforded anyway, my losses weren't covered. I can't watch the news anymore because I know I am actually one of the lucky ones; I am pulling money from my stock portfolio, such as it is anymore, to pay off my credit card bills, leaving me with enough savings to manage for one year, IF nothing else goes wrong, and even IF the two shows I am committed to so far, tank.

My point is this; we are supposed to be the greatest country in the world, and thanks to a host of people and factors that COULD HAVE and SHOULD HAVE, been kept in check, we also have the distinction of bringing the rest of the world to its collective knees for the worst recession in decades, and probably the Second Great Depression of an entire lifetime. I did the math a few months ago on this bailout plan and discovered that if the government provided each and EVERY resident of the United States with an equal share in that $700 BILLION dollars, we would get about $387,000 EACH. If I had $387,000, I would pay off my house, pay off my credit card bills, and take a trip...if that wouldn't stimulate the economy, I don't know what would, but do you know what the "economic forecasters"and "financial experts"said about dividing up all that money among the taxpayers who provided it? That WE wouldn't be able to "handle" that kind of money, so best to give it to the very institutions who got us into this mess in the first place because THEY will know what to do with it. You have to give THEM credit too....because they took vacations and bonuses and "retreats", then jacked up OUR interest rates (mine went from 2.99 percent to a whopping 37% ) to continue filling their pockets at our expense. If I had $375 A MONTH just to pay interest rates on loans I have been paying on time and even paying off in full whenever possible, don't you think I would use that money to, gee, I don't know....put it in my savings account, or invest in my retirement. But no....why save for my retirement when I can send an AIG executive to Palm Beach for an all expenses paid "conference", while a man with diabetes stopped taking insulin so he could feed his family,because THAT is what this country is all about, right? Laura Bush is defending her husband's record while he hides out in Crawford like the coward he is, and why shouldn't she? THEY aren't going to suffer and neither are any of the other people in the current administration who have had their lips stuck to his hindquarters for the last eight years?

The funny thing is, I AM angry about all of this, but I am NOT bitter, because first of all, what would be the point since it won't change things anyway and secondly, because I AM luckier than most, and I know it. I have never lived "high off the hog" anyway, so pulling back isn't a sacrifice and at least I have the resources to make it for a while....but things like this shouldn't be happening in this country, and even though I won't hold my breath on this one, I'd like to think that someone in Washington D.C. actually holds themselves accountable for making a man chose between insulin and feeding his children...but, like the woman I read about recently in Vanity Fair, they'll probably cut the maid (who can least afford it) down from five days a week to four so they don't have to stop flying first class.

ARE WE HAVING FUN YET?

I have been pondering the issue of whether art can be defined as fun, and I suppose like anything else, its all in how you chose to look at it. For someone who supports themselves entirely by their creative juices, the short answer is that its really not. Don't get me wrong, there have been times when I have looked at something I have been working on and thought...wow....that is so cool I can hardly stand it...and I did that! I had a dream a few years ago about a design for a new gourd, got up the next day, sketched it out, collected my photographs, wrote an email to the Transvaal Zoo in South Africa to ask one of the zookeepers to fax me pictures of a rhino foot print, and proceeded to begin work on the first $20,000 gourd I ever attempted, and when I saw it again, not long ago in the collectors home, I actually didn't recognize it at first as my own and I was completely blown away by its beauty. And the fact that this piece is part of a collection that includes works by Robert Bateman and Guy Coleach, and Dino Paravano, doesn't hurt either. But the process of creating and selling art can be anything but fun. Take now for example. Its 2:30 in the morning, and I can't sleep. I haven't been able to sleep well for the last month because I have several shows coming up, and I just can't seem to catch up with myself. I spend up to 14 hours a day, every single day of the week in the studio, chipping away at my commitments, and I feel like I never get anything done. There are boxes, and gourds, and handbags, and canvasses, and gemstone, and paint, and equipment, and tools EVERYWHERE, so yesterday, I spent eight hours doing nothing but organizing my space so I could find the things I needed to create, and I didn't wind up showering until almost 4:00 in the afternoon, and then, after a short break, I went back to work on pieces for these upcoming shows until almost 10:00 at night. A few weeks from now, I will pack up the trailer, and head to Atlanta, where it rained so hard on opening night last year that they had to cancel the show on Friday night. My husband and I will spend the rest of the weekend in the sun, or the rain, or the heat, or the humidity (and, most likely, some combination of all four) hoping some passerby finds themselves so taken with something we have been working on for the last few weeks, that the mortgage company will receive their monthly stipend. In other words, art, for me, is a full time business, without any guarantees and often undertaken at a huge financial risk, and even though I feel a twinge for pulling the curtain back to reveal that art is not the carnival it appears, I also realize that there are things this vocation has provided that I would have never experienced in any other line of work. I have had the privilege of traveling from one end of this country to the other, usually on every two lane highway through the middle of nowhere that I could find. I've sold art to people I would have never met if I would have stayed in Oregon after college and pursued a career in broadcasting (which was my major). I've developed amazing friendships with people who started out as collectors and stayed on as my adopted family. I've been commissioned to do work for everyone from Jane Goodall and Colin Powell to the executive producer of the Lord of the Rings, and I have had the freedom to experiment with everything from contemporary gourd art (huge failure) to huge paintings (and yet,i am still not comfortable as a painter). So like I said before in a previous entry....art, as a career pursuit, is just like any other job. But I can honestly say that, on the whole, it has been an incredible journey...

Where to start????

I have been wrestling with my follow up entry because there is so much I want to say. It has been an interesting year so far, particularly since I have been focusing so much of my time on developing this new line of handbags. For fifteen years, I was completely devoted to the pursuit of gourd art, and made inroads I was never expected to make even though I was told over and over again that no one would ever take gourd art seriously; that I was a good painter and should pursue painting as my vocation, that gourds were a passing fancy, that no one knew what a gourd was, that everyone with a woodburning tool and a box of paints was doing them. I happen to be one of those people who loves the phrase "it can't be done" so naturally, I set off to prove the critics wrong. Fifteen years later, I feel as though there isn't a lot more to be accomplished in this field, and besides, devoting myself so thoroughly to a single pursuit cost me in ways I hadn't imagined at the time. Two years ago, I decided to experiment; with gourds, with paintings, with subject matter, with mediums, and now, with handbags. It has resulted in a "Persian Bazaar" effect on more than one occasion, but I find myself not only fascinated with so many different aspects of art, I also wanted to challenge my artistic abilities to see just what I was capable of. More artists than you can imagine spent years honing a particular style, only to abandon it for the style they became famous for, and while I find myself drawn to gourds over and over again, it helps to take time out once in awhile to try different things. I come back to the gourds filled with a renewed appreciation for the endless ways in which the form is interpreted, but I have also come to understand that some things can't be changed. The art world has tunnel vision when it comes to what qualifies as art, and even people with an intense appreciation for my work still think the only true art is an oil painting or a bronze sculpture. I also think that being an artist is MUCH, MUCH harder than people think it is. I have spent 100 hours a week in my studio, covered head to toe in saw dust, or gourd dust, or some kind of dust, working on pieces from morning to evening, trying to work out problems with respect to dimension, or color, or layout, woodburning for hours at a time, painting for hours at a time; a few years ago, I had drawn a layout for a piece that had an eagle in semi profile, and I got so frustrated with the way it wasn't coming, that I decided to go have some lunch, take a shower, and give it a try later that afternoon. I was headed to the bathroom a few minutes later, when I realized what I had done wrong, and three HOURS later, I looked up, realized the eagle was perfect, and I had never made it to the shower. And despite putting in 100 hours that week, I hadn't made a dime. So I guess I will say this about art and fun....it isn't fun at all sometimes, but it sure can be rewarding.....

In the Beginning.....

I wasn't one of those girls who grew up dreaming of her wedding day or how many kids she was going to have. I was the only girl in a family of boys, so building and defending forts, playing cowboys and indians, catching frogs, and striking out on spur of the moment adventures in the true spirit of independence, seemed far superior to tea parties and pretty dresses. Now, after nearly fifteen years in the art business building a name for myself as one of the nation's premiere gourd artists, I suddenly find myself thoroughly captivated by the art of the handbag. Of course, the idea behind them is far from girly, but it has everything to do with being the center of attention, and how much more girly can you get than that? So here's the deal...you buy a painting, hang it on the wall, and go to dinner.....but what if you could take your art to dinner with you? And what if you did it, knowing there wasn't another woman in the room who could even begin to compete with her mass produced designer bag? And then I thought....what if I could chart the progress of this adventure and what I have learned about myself in the past fifteen years as an artist, and as a woman, in the process? People think I am "lucky" I am to do what I love, and I am, but they say it like I've run off to join the circus, like I don't have bills to pay, or responsibilities to take care of, or that there haven't been sacrifices along the way. Being an artist is probably one of the hardest jobs in the world outside of being a parent, and being a handbag designer with absolutely no idea of what she's doing, could turn out to be the challenge of a lifetime. Or the biggest egg I have ever laid. So without further ado....let the adventure begin....